Thoughts
by Uozumi
Summary: Ten years after the series, Chibi Usa thinks about her life in the past and how she must be stronger now.


I do not own _Sailor Moon_.****

**_Thoughts_**

  
June 30, 3000

I know it shouldn't bother me anymore, but it does. I know that I have grown up, that I am a true and proud scout, that I help secure the safety of Crystal Tokyo. I know that I have my own team, and have grown more powerful. I know that I'm not a "cry baby" anymore, and I know that I am a woman.

I am almost one-thousand years old, but I've left that number behind. When I was only seven I stopped growing, but after I started again I realized that I don't feel almost a thousand, I feel almost nineteen, the age of my body.

As I stare out from my window, I look at the beauty of my home and sigh. I know I should appreciate it, and I don't take it for granted, but it just doesn't see pretty. It sparkles, but I just can't fake interest. Mama says that it's because I don't know what I want in life, that I'm just experiencing normal feelings. She said that she felt these things when she was young, but I never saw that. She was always so strong, always my idol. I know I gave her a hard time sometimes in the past, but I never saw her question herself, she was always confident. I bet she could look out at this place everyday and tell me how beautiful it is and mean it. When I say it, I don't mean it. It's so dull and normal now.

I want to get out sometimes. Everytime I try, someone foils me. I might disguise myself but soon my scout team is clustered around me, or Papa or Mama asks where I'm going...It's so hard to just get away. I wish that I could go back to the other time, back to the place I belong in, but I don't belong there. Most likely there is a little Rini there, a little Rini who's just a baby or so...

I miss them. I do have Pluto though, but it just feels different. Whenever I see her, I can't help but remember when she stopped time, when she died. I can't burry my past away, I can't forget being Black Lady as much as I want to. I can't escape my treaspasses. I'm surprised that she can still talk to me. I know it's her reincarnation, but how could anyone talk to such a horrible person? I know Mama and Papa and everyone else says that I wasn't to blame, but I was. I shouldn't have run off into the darkness, I shouldn't have gone without making sure I had my key.

I look at pictures. I like to remind myself of what I once was, the happy me. I mean I am happy now too, but I like to remember my belonging place. I like to remember having fun and doing neat things. I miss Hotaru and the others. At least I have Pluto, at least I have someone who is a part of that era.

I'm not really that close to the other scouts. Also Neptune and Uranus watch us from afar and Saturn is sleeping in her castle on her planet. I miss them all, but I doubt we'd be close. I remember going to Makoto for advice, but now I'm just too nervous to approach Jupiter for any. I know she would give me some, but there's a formal boundary now and when I was little, they rarely spoke to me. It was so nice being friends, it was so nice to be able to talk to them all, but I can't do that.

Leafing through the photo album as the sunlight plays upon the pages, I sigh. I miss them and know that I shouldn't look at this book. It probably isn't healthy to remember. Although I keep turning pages and keep studying pictures. I feel really fickle when I leaf through them. First there's pictures of Kyusuke from my class, then one of Pereru, and one of a pegasus.

My heart hurts when I look at them, especially the pegasus. I wish I had gotten a picture of his human form, Helios. Although I think that would be worse in a way. I can't believe that I fancied all three, and that they liked me back (although I'm not too sure about Pereru since I only knew him for a short time). I miss Helios and Kyusuke the most. I wish I could see them again, that I could have stayed in school with Kyusuke and our friend Momo. I bet he's dating her now though, they went well together.

My heart hurts so much to think of them. It makes me wish to go back, wish to be nine-years-old again, even if that means I would be confused on if I liked Kyusuke or Helios more. I never did figure that one out. It was too confusing and so I hid from that problem.

Well, I don't have it anymore. I don't have to worry about if I like Kyusuke or Helios. I don't have to worry about hurting either of their feelings. It was so weird. It was the first time I had really thought of someone other than myself. I didn't want either to be hurt and that made me hurt all the more.

I shouldn't remember this time. I shouldn't remember them. I haven't seen anyone of that demension in ten years. Besides I bet that Kyusuke is taken and Helios wouldn't even be there.

Helios said he would return to me after I had become a lady. I wonder if I have or not. I try my best to be graceful and everything that Mama is, but he hasn't reutrned. I hope he hasn't forgotten me, but it has been over a thousand years. It is probably hard to remember things in that period of time. I can barely remember anything leading up to when I stole Mama's Silver Imperium Crystal. Most likely before I have my child, I will have all but forgotten that time. It's sad but good at the same time. It hurts too much to remember.

Well, I must go. Diana just came with Veta, Pallas, Juno, and Ceres to tell me it's time to celebrate my birthday with Mama.

I haven't figured out what my wish will be, but I hope that my heart will be strong enough and I can be as invincible as Mama and possibly have it come true.

**The End**


End file.
